In 2008 I knew that I loved to travel and knew it was a hobby I wanted to pursue. It was then that the seed of my dream to be a dedicated traveler was planted, I knew so little of the lessons life would teach me during my preparations.
For as long as I can remember there have been three major steps/signs of my expat life:
1) Graduating from college- I returned to school full time, while working full time and now all I have left is completing my thesis which is nearly halfway done and I’m really hoping to have it done by the end of March.
2) Selling my Condo- In the beginning, my dream was to sell my condo for a profit and use the money to travel and/or pay my school loans with. I’ve lived there for 6 years and during that time the market crashed and at this point I’m just grateful to being selling it at all. After being on the market for a year, I JUST signed the papers and should officially be a non-homeowner tomorrow.
3) Be unemployed- I’ve been expecting to be laid off for a long time now (long story, but it’s a good thing) If I stay until they lay me off I will get great benefits that could benefit my travel plans although at this point we still have no idea when that could happen. So it may be the case that I stay and save money or end up quitting, although if there is anything I am expecting its that what is meant to happen will happen and life has a way of working itself out.
As I mentioned, one of these three has officially happened. I’ve sold my condo and it should all be official tomorrow. Thrilling, right?
Of course it’s a good thing, however in this post I am going to focus more on the reflection this event has created in my life and a realization I hadn’t yet come across.
Reflections on a personal level
My condo has been my greatest source of security and “home” for the past 6 years. It’s bittersweet to be ending such a happy and influential chapter of my life. I think of who I was when I bought this condo in 2006 and quite honestly I don’t recognize her.
I had NO IDEA that life had some serious lessons in store for me which would eventually lead me to rediscover and reinvent myself.
I couldn’t be happier with who I am today, in my most desperate of moments I wish I could have whispered in my ear and tell myself how much goodness can come from the most negative of situations. But alas, that lesson has been learned and I embrace turmoil and uncertainty with open arms and know there is something better waiting at the other end of the experience.
Just as I do now, letting go of one part of my life only to embrace another.
How quickly life can change
I’ve been preparing to move out of my condo for a year now, slowly getting rid of possessions, personas and an old lifestyle.
The process has been very slow which in several ways has been beneficial to my letting go and also to prepare for a new lifestyle.
However, in a matter of 5 days I went from waiting for an answer, getting final approval, moving out, signing papers and tonight will be my first time sleeping in my new home. Which is a large room in a very dear friend’s house until I’m ready to make the jump to being a permanent traveler. I cannot imagine a better place for me to transition from one life to another and I will be forever grateful to Traci for opening her home to me.
A sense of loss?
I’ve gotten a lot of congratulations and good cheer responses to the news but there is a part of me that wanted to be sad, in a way, there is a part of me that dies with the selling of my condo and it wanted sympathy and condolences.
I hadn’t expected to feel that way and was surprised at the feelings of loss when I got the final approval. I decided to spend a night at my condo being sad and letting the grief soak through my soul. Then I went into production mode, planning, packing and preparing to move, I thought the sadness had passed, until it hit me like a train.
My family & I had just carried my belongings outside and as I headed back inside to grab more, I walked up to my front door and saw my apartment empty for the first time since I’d moved in. Before I knew it my breath caught in my chest and there were tears streaming down my cheeks. This was it. The point of no return. I quickly let out as many tears as I could before my family walked in on my break down, grabbed the last of my things and headed out the door to unload them into my new home.
A sense of support & security
I have an amazing support system here, my family & friends are so generous and thoughtful. With such little notice to move out they were quick to come to my aid, my parents drove 5 hours in one day just to help me move and I couldn’t (literally) have done it without them, my step brother let me use his trailer and was kind enough to let us use his muscles for heavy lifting. I also want to thank my brother Robby & friend Dani for helping me take a few trips prior to the big move, it made the process must faster!
As I was driving the possessions that made the transition from one chapter of my life to another.
I was shocked at the doubt that flooded my mind. What if I can’t pull this off? What if I’m doing all this for nothing? What if I fail? What if I’m not good at travel writing and blogging? What if the traveling community doesn’t like me?
Where was all this sadness & doubt coming from? It was coming from a sense of loss, but how was I losing anything when I am gaining momentum in pursuing my greatest dream to date?
And then it hit me.
